Making it look as if everything is your fault is a distraction technique they use to get the focus off of them. As you said, it is "spin".
Maybe you could look at it this way - the best way you can give your daughter unconditional love and support is to make yourself stronger so you can deal with what the future may bring. It sounds like from what you are saying that staying in contact with her is not the best way to do that.
JMHO....