Hi!
I agree with anvilhead, let her be single and alone and "behave" because that is who she wants to be, not because there is someone else checking her. That is real recovery from any addiction/codependency, when you are so fed up with your own patterns and self destruction so that you will do ANYTHING to start changing and keep at it, often this involves a lot of alone time and introspection, something that is more difficult to do when you have a romantic interest and can distract yourself very easily and keep on with your games, BS and denial... until all comes crushing down again and history repeats itself
My humble question is why the rush.. who is the one rushing things here.. why canīt you just be friends...? I am sorry you were abused before, (I can relate as I have been, too) and the person you describe seems like an abuse story waiting to happen (even neglect can be abuse, addicts can be selfish while active and also as dry drunks, real change goes way deeper than being abstinent).
My 2 cents from where I sit.
Glad you are in SR, this is a great community!