Today is Tuesday and she's not out of jail yet.......looks like it will be Thursday.
We've had a few phone conversations over the last week during which I let her know that living here is not an option because of the choices she made last time. I don't think she really got it until now
, probably because I kept telling her that I would never give up on her, which she took to mean that I would always be there to bail her out.
Today she talked about coming here after she gets out and said she was dying to take a hot shower and get her own clothes on and use some decent hair products. I had to make it crystal clear that she would not be living here and she did not take it well. She freaked out and kept saying that she had had this drug problem for 8 years and how could she kick it over night and how could she kick it if she had no place to live, no job to support herself with, and no way to get to any kind of counseling. I had mentioned residential treatment to her, and she told me that no way would she agree to go to some rehab out of state, but that she wanted to get suboxone treatment and psychiatric help here but she thought I said I would always be there for her and I was lying and how can she do any of that if I was going to be a bitch and kick her out of the house?
I told her that as resourceful as she has been in maintaining her drug habit through stealing and robbing and whatever else she has done, I had total faith that she could successfully use those same resources to stop maintaining it if she wanted to badly enough, but that I would not contribute in any way, shape, or form to her continuing to use.
She will be getting back to town while I'm at work. She wanted to come by and get her stuff and take a shower but I told her she could not come here at all unless I was home. She pointed out that her 16 yr old sister would be here, but I told her that no, I would not allow her sister to let her in and have to watch her to make sure she didn't steal anything.
I don't know how to deal with this initial visit! I am not going to let her live here, but if I let her in to bathe and eat she will think that I'm going to give in and don't mean what I say? I do want her to know that I will be here for her if she seeks and enters treatment on her own but not unless she does that. I have to let her get her stuff- I don't have the time or money to move it all to a storage unit. This is so hard, even though I know she has just been using me
((