Panda13

I feel like I've been posting a lot considering I've been on this forum for a week, but it's helped me immensely and I'm trying to stay focused on myself. That focus has been hard because all I wanted to do is take care of my addict boyfriend.

It's been over a week since I made the decision to split from my addict boyfriend after being together for nearly 5 years. Changing has been hard especially when I'd been taking care of someone I love emotionally, financially, and mentally.

When we talked to each other on Christmas day, it was nice to hear his voice. He was very sweet and said that he understands why I needed to split from him and not see him for quite a while. It was sweet of him to also tell me that he still wants me to be his friend and he wants to be there for me as much as he can. It seems like some things are clicking for him, but I know he has a long way to go.

I'm going to be his friend, but he needed to hear that being a 'friend friend' to him is going to take a while. I told him that I'm able to talk to him on the phone here and there but me seeing him would make MY RECOVERY harder. I have to stay strong for myself and I see now that if I saw him, I would fall back into my old patterns.

Overall this first week of not being with my addict ex has gone much better than I thought. Although today has been kinda hard. I feel sad and more alone (especially since I'll be spending NYE alone). So I think naturally I wish I could see him, but I know that wouldn't help me. I also feel I'm not ready to go out drinking with friends because I think I would end up numbing my pain, eventually blacking out.

How do I handle feeling happy and then really sad? Should I spend NYE drinking among friends or staying home alone to focus on myself?

Advice please.