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Talking To My Addict Ex & Deciding If I Should Drink Or Not On NYE



Talking To My Addict Ex & Deciding If I Should Drink Or Not On NYE

Old 12-26-2011, 07:54 PM
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Talking To My Addict Ex & Deciding If I Should Drink Or Not On NYE

I feel like I've been posting a lot considering I've been on this forum for a week, but it's helped me immensely and I'm trying to stay focused on myself. That focus has been hard because all I wanted to do is take care of my addict boyfriend.

It's been over a week since I made the decision to split from my addict boyfriend after being together for nearly 5 years. Changing has been hard especially when I'd been taking care of someone I love emotionally, financially, and mentally.

When we talked to each other on Christmas day, it was nice to hear his voice. He was very sweet and said that he understands why I needed to split from him and not see him for quite a while. It was sweet of him to also tell me that he still wants me to be his friend and he wants to be there for me as much as he can. It seems like some things are clicking for him, but I know he has a long way to go.

I'm going to be his friend, but he needed to hear that being a 'friend friend' to him is going to take a while. I told him that I'm able to talk to him on the phone here and there but me seeing him would make MY RECOVERY harder. I have to stay strong for myself and I see now that if I saw him, I would fall back into my old patterns.

Overall this first week of not being with my addict ex has gone much better than I thought. Although today has been kinda hard. I feel sad and more alone (especially since I'll be spending NYE alone). So I think naturally I wish I could see him, but I know that wouldn't help me. I also feel I'm not ready to go out drinking with friends because I think I would end up numbing my pain, eventually blacking out.

How do I handle feeling happy and then really sad? Should I spend NYE drinking among friends or staying home alone to focus on myself?

Advice please.
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Old 12-26-2011, 08:02 PM
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I also feel I'm not ready to go out drinking with friends because I think I would end up numbing my pain, eventually blacking out.
Hey Panda,
I am recovering from alcohol, and one of the little sayings is "there is nothing so bad that drinking can't make worse."
I agree it would probably be best to stay away from any mind numbing or emotional blocking you could get with alcohol.
And, take it from Ms. Blackout of 1996, there is an awful burning shame after a black out that I cannot explain in words that comes with a black out.
Stay home and chill. Make a list of one hundred great things about Panda.
I will start with 1. Asks for help when she needs it (this was tough for me).

Beth

Take good care of yourself.
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Old 12-26-2011, 09:10 PM
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Hey Panda,

remember that new years is just another day like xmas, valentines, july 4th, st patricks, etc etc. my first valentines my ex was in jail, the second he was in treatment...progress?

days really are just days. most of the very best days of my life have nothing to do with a hallmark moment or a 10 second count down. all of these "special dates" have a bunch of expectations around them that are usually ties to a fantasy or illusion or too much hype.

practice gratitude and grace. you are in the middle of a major transition right now that is about being good to yourself. moving forward, making healthy decisions, shifting your psychic focus to the right place (your life!!) and so on and so on!! VERY proud of you for making these steps.

also, just watch out for the subtle emotional hangovers of contact. only do as much as you feel you really need to, or want to. make sure that if you are having contact it is all on your terms and just really safe guard your boundaries...it is a delicate and extremely important process, which is why a lot of people in our situation (break ups etc) just go no contact.

always an option.
black out drinking is sooooooo not an option for me, and I really pray not for you either.

you will be just fine.
one minute it is 2011 and the next minute it is 2012. big deal. its a number, and we all know how to count, it helps keep track of things like sober time.
peace!
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Old 12-27-2011, 03:49 PM
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Congrats on taking care of yourself!! I agree with Cynical One. Do you only have two options? I remember the New Year's after an especially hard break up (15 years ago). My friends drove up to see me and we all went out for dinner. How do you want to spend NYE? It's really not a huge day for me anymore. I won't even necessarily stay up until midnight. I like to usually spend New Year's Day hiking or taking a long walk. However, those are the things that I enjoy. So, it's how I like to start a new year. What do you want to do? How do you want to spend it? I wouldn't recommend drinking because it is a depressant and could make you feel worse in the long run.
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Old 12-27-2011, 06:28 PM
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Ann
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Why not stay home and find something enjoyable to do for yourself...watch a movie, read a good book, or find a meeting and share your New Year with others who won't be drinking.

Whatever you choose, blackouts are dangerous and you may want to keep an eye on your own sobriety. I say that because I care, not to scold you. There is a whole world out there that doesn't include substance abuse, it's a good world with healthy people and well worth trying.

Hugs
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Old 12-28-2011, 10:28 PM
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I've come to the decision to just stay home myself and watch a funny movie. Just working on how to deal with being alone on New Years, but I'm thinking it will be nice. Time to reflect on myself.
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Old 12-29-2011, 01:09 PM
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good for you on the decision to stay in.
Honestly - I never go out on NYE. Drunk drivers, drunk
people in general just scare me. I like the build up to
it...people are usually so much happier after the new
year. I don't need to see them that night in person.
I can do damage online, on the phone and snuggled
safely in my house.
You've echoed the sentiment I've heard a lot in life where
people think they need to go out on NYE. Or ever Friday
or Saturday. Never was like that...*thinks* actually I prolly
was years ago. :-)
Have a lovely evening by yourself and rejoice in a new year.
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