Christmas morning.......coming here to read and gather strength.
My daughter has been in jail since early November except for the few days she was out (I bailed her out) before new charges were filed.
She's in on forged check and credit card charges- stole from her father with whom she was living to support her habit/lifestyle.
We had been estranged for a long time because of her choices, but of course when she went to jail and her father didn't answer her phone calls, she called me and I did. Even bailed her out which of course was also a mistake. While living with me for a week, she pawned my jewelry and was shooting up roxys.
The state hasn't filed charges in her case and she will be released on Tuesday. Last night I told her she could not live here; that I worked too hard for what I have and that I will not live with all my belongings under lock and key. Told her that she broke every single condition of her bond which was her choice and will have to live with the consequences of those choices when she gets out. She told me that she has been using for 8 years and you just don't quit just like that and basically said "what did you expect?".
I told her I would spend $ on a residential rehab in another state and would rather do that than pay it out on bail and recovering my belongings from pawn shops. She agitatedly and angrily told me that she would not leave the only friends she has, that she is not ready to do that, and I couldn't make her. (She is 22). She said she wants to get counseling and psychiatric help but only here.
Not once while she has been in jail for the past 2 months has she ever expressed a desire to change her life or she's sorry for what she did or anything that could possibly be construed as such. I tell her that I see such potential and the possibility for a great life and all she says in return is that she has no job, no car, no money and no future. She has said that all being there has done is make her want to use.
So that's why I'm here today. I know that so many have heard the same thing and I know that I can't do anything to help her if she doesn't want to help herself and that I can't have her come here when she gets out. All her stuff is here because her dad dumped it in my garage when she got arrested and she'll have to come here to get it. But I know she has just been using me and if she lives here nothing at all will change. At least in jail she's been speaking to me and I've gotten a chance to see her face and I know she's not sleeping who knows where and shooting up. She's alive.
She's needed me while she's been in jail. She was using me when she was out. And when she gets out in a couple of days she will stop talking to me because I won't 'help' her and I won't know where she is or how she is unless I hear she's dead or in jail.
