Lonelystar,
I had the same thoughts at first. I told my son I would pay his first month in an apartment to help him get on his feet. I then changed my mind. What if he spent that month using drugs? I would have then been directly responsible for giving him a comfy place to do so. my situation was different in that my son was not in rehab, but I think my thinking was the same... Give him the chance to live on his own and do the right thing. It would also have given me the peace of mind of knowing he had a safe place to live. The more I thought about it the more I realized a lot of my motivation was for my peace of mind, not that it was neccesarilly the best thing for him.
When someone comes out of rehab their real challenge is just beginning as they have to learn to live in the "real world" without the crutch of drug use which is all they've known. Might your son be better off in a sober living environment where he will have others around him who are also working on recovery and where there are rules in place to hold him accountable for his recovery? You could offer to pay for a few weeks if you feel you must help, but places like this are designed to teach them to live independently and to take responsibility for their own lives. He'd be able to work and start living his life but would have the support he's going to need in the transition from rehab to independence.
This situation is so hard. As mothers we want to protect our children and make sure they're safe. The more I read and learn the more I realize that in the long run the best thing I can do for my son is to step back and let him learn that his life is his responsibility, otherwise he will always be dependent on me. He doesn't want that and neither do I. My sons life is not easy right now, but he's making the best decisions he's ever made and he's doing so because I made it clear I was no longer going to cushion his fall. It hurts to see him uncomfortable.. More than I can describe.. But I know it's the path he needs to take and I can clearly see that this process is slowly turning him into an adult! A few months ago I didn't think that was something that would happen.