reading my own post i can sense the control part in me but the thing is this , when he gets out of rehab i dont want him living with in our home anymore, there are alot of other reasons besides the drug use for which he can no longer stay , his relationship with his father being one, he feels like we suffocate him being 2 and a whole bunch of other issues,so in a last effort im offering him this, id like to know what is wrong with trying to help someone out if they are willing to try even if it is an addict, I have made the agreement of paying the first months rent and the job opportunity just came up for him. I feel he needs to see for himself if he uses drugs what the consequnces will be , example he might loose the job not be able to pay rent etc...., im letting him go in a sense which is what he wants , just because im offering to help out in the beginning i plan to stick to my agreement as to that is as far as the help will go. oh and sorry for hijacking the thread here but thanks for the comments maybe i am missing something here