the christmas fantasy thing is really a handicap in the world of recovery
I even found myself thinking maybe I should invite my recent ex ABF over for the holidays...out of "compassion" and "welcoming", and "open heartedness"...etc
then I realized that when he is using (has been using/is just recently back from a binge episode) and I decide to behave in those ways that for me are beautiful... then I am being compassionate, welcoming, and open hearted to the DISEASE of ADDICTION
I would be giving "it" a warm cheerful place amidst my loved ones to pretend like "it" is okay, like "it" deserves a groovy little holiday season...the addiction would get "its" belly full of holiday treats and say to the man I love "see...crack isn't bad...they all still love you even when you use! why bother quitting?! Why bother doing the really hard work it takes to really get recovery...
that man needs to spend some serious time seeking out recovery...and spending xmas in his reality...meaning where he is REALLY at versus some xmas cheer borrowed from someone else's life...is some serious time for reflection. this is the first year I think where his well off family is not footing the bill for him to travel home, and I am not inviting him in.
I will not have my compassion, hospitality, and open heart turned into enabling an addict to continue believing "everything is ok"
I am so thankful that his family is not rushing in to save his holiday
maybe this xmas...without the fantasy...will give him a clearer picture of where his choices in addiction have landed him. what a truly great gift that would be...clarity, if even for a moment.