It has to be the time of year - short, dark days, Christmas fast approaching, like a perfect storm of things to trigger grief. Found myself feeling the same emotions, especially putting up decorations. I came across the Ex's Christmas stocking which triggered a flood of tears and thoughts of the good times we shared, even so far as to think of contacting him so he wouldn't be alone at Christmas.
As it stands, it will be the pup and I at Christmas, by ourselves, but not alone. I have a lot to be grateful for and spending the day with a spoiled pup is special. We plan to watch Christmas DVD's, pig out on treats, have a nice dinner and be in touch with friends and family near and far.
I did like lillamy did-re-read my journals and those started triggering the not-so-good times, especially last Christmas which for me, was the beginning of the end of us as a couple. I remembered the hurt and anger I felt not only last Christmas, but when I ended it and realized that if I were to reach out, I would be right back to where I started from. As much as I love him, a life together just isn't possible, when only one of us is seeking recovery.
The triggers are still there, so is the grief. With the help of my loving AL-Anon friends, I am working through it. Coming daily to SR just to read gives me comfort as I know there are others who are feeling the same emotions.
It's a process, one we have to go through and to stuff those emotions down makes it all the harder to bear. One day at a time works for me.....
Hugs to you, BobbyJ......
