Originally Posted by
Pelican 
Sending (((hugs))) and encouragement.
This is a tip a friend gave me while I was actively grieving:
"If you find yourself stuck in a phase of grief (anger, depression, etc), get help"
I kept a mental journal of when each phase began. At one point I needed help with the depression. I felt stuck.
It was good advice. Passing it along with love.
This is such simple but valuable advice! Sometimes it's simply too much to manage on our own.
You are not alone. We all seem to get stuck in these cyclical phases of grief and it sounds like yours, although delayed, is still just that. I'm thinking of trying medication temporarily to help ease the paralyzing pain/depression because therapy alone (helpful as it is) does not seem to be enough. Our bodies have been chemically altered from this experience, imbalanced.
I don't think it's something we just snap out of on our own and am learning it takes more than just time to heal. It takes being proactive. It requires changing YOUR learned behaviors and thought processes that perpetuate the grief. It requires outside help from professionals and support groups. It's natural to miss him and feel those feelings but if it is interfering with your life and happiness to this degree one year later you may have to take action to change that.
So sorry you're feeling this pain!