Sorry you've had a rough time.
I've never known an Alcoholic who has relapsed and said, "wow that was so much fun!" You stopped drinking for a reason. You know that the alcohol changes your behavior and personality into something that causes pain and regret.
Like many of us you tried again and it didn't work. now what? Thats up to you. Read about some alcoholics, see how their drinking started and how it progressed. If you are serious about your relationships and health I think you have some decisions to make and support to seek out.
I hope you are feeling better and aren't drinking tonight.