Hi Meggy,
you'll get there when you're ready. There is no point in forcing yourself to do something you're not feeling yet, you're yet not ready to do.
We all have our own path to walk, at our own pace.
Just try to trust the proces and stay open.
Stick around here, there is some great wisdom to be found here.
Write and vent whenever you need to, we'll try to help the best we can.
And read, read, read as much as you can - it makes the world of difference. Educating yourself about disease of alcoholism is the beginning of the journey in the right direction.
For me the more I learned it made my life more managable.
HUGS