Thanks everyone for your kind and gentle words. I will try to get to an Al-Anon meeting tonight or this weekend.
I know that I am somewhat emotionally unstable and needy, so bringing a third person into this, no matter the reasoning, cannot help my situation really. It is very tempting though because I am extremely attracted to this person and see him everyday. He lives right across the street. First and foremost, we are good friends and should just keep it at that.
I am afraid of getting a job. I do not know why really. I have always had a job since I was 12 and stopped working shortly after my first child was born 5 years ago. I am 37 now. I have a bachelors degree, but only worked for one year after that, so I pretty much still entry-level. I know that I have a lot to offer an employer, but I do not know how to market myself and I hate job interviews! It is hard for me to sell myself and jerk my own chain. Before college, I was in the Navy and had many interesting jobs and travels.
I am saddened by the idea of my kids being in daycare. My fears of the unknown are stopping me from making decisions about my marriage. I am afraid that maybe I will be worse off being a single working mother. My own mother had it rough raising three kids on her own and little financial support from my father. At least I have a degree to get my foot in the door unlike my mother.
My kids lives are really going to change if and when I return to work. I always wanted to be a mother that my mother was not and could not be. I also worry about all of the details like will I have to move from my house, who will take and pickup the kids from school and preschool, what time will I get off of work, and that I will only get to see their little faces for a few hours each day. It breaks my heart!