oneday, you will get to the peace you are seeking... one day (when you are ready).
I promise.
Don't beat yourself up for taking what may seem 2 steps backwards when you know you 'need' to go forward... it will all come in time for you. You care about your addicted loved one, you love him and it shows. Now, it's time to show that you love yourself as well. But again, it will come... that really strong part that is in all of us does come out when we least expect it will... when it all seems so impossible.
But keep posting, keep writing your feelings out. It's all good. You are in a very safe place here. Many are here to just listen and tell you their stories of sadness but also of recovery (for themselves).
As for those who attempt to put you in your place or give you 'tough love' - forgive them and try not to take what they say to heart. It's these individuals you need to feel sorry for because they are still stuck in a sad type of 'coddie' controlling behavior "If I can't fixed my A, I can try online with a virtual stranger!" - It's insane thinking and they too will find their own path of recovery on their own (without having to pat themselves on the back for putting someone in their place).
I wish you nothing but peace this evening... know that you are NOT alone... know that you will have ups and downs ahead, but that if you truly attempt to do right by yourself, your life will improve with or without your addicted loved one. I guarantee it.
Hugs!