I am 35 yrs old, 3 months pregnant, living with my boyfriend. We have been together less than a year and everything has moved really fast for us.
When I met him, he drank socially. Once I got to know him, I knew that he occasionally drank to deal with a lot of pain from earlier situations in his life. Silly me, I thought if I helped him through his problems and helped him get his life back on track, things would be different. Now, I find myself pregnant, scared, and dealing blindly with an alcoholic (I have no idea what to do/say in this situation).
Last time he had a huge binge, I got really upset, chucked his mostly full gallon-like bottle of vodka off our balcony and told him if he kept it up, I would leave him. He was good for a long time. He recently lost his job & has had no luck finding one. He also has a court date (trial) in January for driving on a suspended license after a DUI. He must complete community service (he refuses) OR pay a $2000 fine. If he doesn't, he will go to jail. Two nights ago he got very depressed and began fighting with me about what a bitch I was being for not letting him get drunk to "deal" with his problems. The next day he spent money we can't afford to spend, on another HUGE bottle of vodka & began drinking it like it was water. I told him that I could not believe he did that. His defense was "I didn't use YOUR money". I told him I wasn't going to be around him if he was going to do this. I'm under enough stress being pregnant, broke, working 2 jobs to support us, worrying he'll go to jail, and everything else to sit through his verbal abuse and erratic behavior when he gets wasted. I had plans to meet up with an old friend that night and asked my boyfriends sister if I could sleep at her house that night. Spending time with my friend, I lost track of time. It was 11pm when I tried to go to his sisters. They were in bed & didn't answer phone. I had nowhere else to go but home to my situation.
When I arrived home, he was sober, but we were still fighting. I had to work a 12 hour shift the next day & just went to bed. Around 1 am, I awoke to all the lights on in the bedroom (which I was trying to sleep in), a loud movie on tv in bedroom, blaring music from kitchen, and him yelling and slurring profanity at the world. I got up, seriously irate, shut off the lights and yelled at him aboutt how I'm pregnant & have to work 12 hour shift and would like to get SOME sleep! Then slammed the bedroom door. I laid there, fuming for hours, then crying until I fell asleep. I just got through the worst work day of my life. I am surprised I didn't have a serious nervous breakdown or get fired. I tried to text him throughout the day, some texts letting him know how hurt & upset I was and some expressing my desire to talk about things, but I only wanted to talk if he was sober when I got home. I later got a text from him telling me that he refused to read any of my texts and that if I wanted to talk to him, he'd be home (considering we only have MY car since his was impounded, I knew he'd be home). I was furious that he was being so immature. I tried calling him on my break at work later, and he picked up & immediately hung up.
I got home from work 5 hours ago. He was sober, or appeared to be. I was too tired to fight. He never said a word and I went to bed because I was exhausted. Currently, I am lying next to him, wide awake, stressed out, while he is peacefully sleeping.
I am scared that I will lose the baby with all this stress. I've hardly slept in the past three nights. I've eaten ONE meal in the last 36 hours. I got in a screaming fight with one of my elderly Alheimers residents at the assisted living facility where I work (not like me AT ALL). I cried half the day and did a lot of my work half-ass. I'm worried that I will lose MY job.
He is a truly wonderful man and most loving boyfriend when he is not depressed and drunk.
He is very much against the use of antidepressants and refuses to go to AA because he has some twisted opinion that Christianity is ruining the world.
My options are to stay with him & deal with this, possibly being all alone soon when he has to do jail time, since he has no money saved & has no job. Or to have my parents once again, rescue me from another bad relationship, uproot my whole life and move in with them 3 hours away. They would probably make me get a restraining order against him & he would never know his child. I haven't even figured out how to explain to my parents that my "baby-daddy" is going to jail. This will not go over well. Even though they have no right to criticize since my brother is also an alcoholic, has had 2 DUIs, and spent quite a few nights here & there in jail for his drunken behavior.
I'm at my wits end. I love him with all my heart and I want to raise my child with him, just not the drunk him. All of my friends say he is a loser & I should leave him. His family seems to be the only understanding support I have and they don't know how to deal with him either.
Please help me. I need advice. I need help.
Oh yeah one more things, he cannot get a job that drug tests because he refuses to give up smoking marijuana. That is a whole other issue.
