Originally Posted by
EveningRose 
It's sort of a relief to hear this from others. I have had virtually no contact for 4 years and don't miss them at all. Those who have not been there are sometimes of the mind that SURELY I'll regret this and when they die, I'll mourn all the lost moments. All I can think is: what lost moments? The lost chance to be yelled at and publicly humiliated? The lost chance to be told I'm not quite good enough? The lost chance to be told I'm annoying and deserve to be kicked around verbally? ....
Nope, I'm not missing their company at all. I've set things in the past often enough to be confident that I'm capable of and willing to forgive and this is finally about boundaries, not about grudges as they of course would tell me it is.
Just noticed this thread. I appreciate all the shares. Thank you for this conversation.
EveningRose's share makes my heart squeeze because this is how I feel. It's a real taboo in my family to think like this. In my family, the dysfunction required that I didn't get my needs met. There wasn't enough to go around so my portion went to people who were sicker/being threatened by drug dealers/being bailed out of jail/were drunk/etc.
I've been No Contact with my older sister for 1.5 years. My pattern is that I let her bully and control me, to the point of severe mental and physical distress. She has a serious physical illness that affects her cognitive function One of the overlays is "She can't help it. You know that's just how she is. She's not well. Stop being so selfish and self-adsorbed. You are stronger so you have to suck it up." She's like an energy vampire.
I have a voice in my head that says, "Once you are Recovered you will be able to make everything good and fix everything." That is the voice of my Addictive Codependency talking, as seductive as an Alcoholic Voice. A healthy voice would say, "Why on earth would you spend holidays with people who treat you like dirt?"
I got the "you are holding a grudge and you will regret it" speech from my step-mom a few months ago.
It is unbelievably comforting to share these feelings without being judged. It's all still a jumble but I feel like I'm moving towards clarity.