Hey COAB,
I hear this! Everyone else will no doubt see their own behaviours in the cycle you describe too - you are certainly not alone, too young to suffer in this way or beyond recovery.
Different people will give you different responses.
Having tried and failed at group-led programmes, for me it was not useful to think of my drinking as a disease, and that I suffered from something only an external force could change. I practice AVRT (there's a thread devoted to AVRT here on the secular connections section of the site) part of which is about taking responsibility for ones actions and learning a few simple techniques which will break this cycle and enable you to remain permanently abstinent.
No doubt, the first few days without booze are uncomfortable (feel free to look at some of my own previous posts!) and can be very scary. But you are much more powerful than your drinking (or rather your 'addictive voice') would have you believe.
Coming to SR is the very best first step you could take, so keep reading and posting.
SM