I'm sorry you're struggling but I'm with ((Dee)) on this one. Though alcohol wasn't my DOC, I definitely abused it in the earlier days, then something else, then crack. I had all kinds of reasons to put off quitting, until I was in my 40's, had lost a career and was bankrupt in every way.
I don't mean to sound doom and gloom, but temptations are always going to be around us. My DOC was crack, a friend I worked with ended up going out on it...he was going to bring some to work for me? Luckily, I had enough recovery that I distanced myself from him, he got clean and we are still friends.
I just don't want you to end up like me...decades have passed and there was always a reason to not quit, until the consequences just got too much. My 50th b'day came, whether I liked it or not, but at least I had 4-1/2 years in recovery for this major milestone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy