Displace & Replace
Hello All, I've been a lurker for about a year now and have found your stories to be so helpful and inspiring.
My own story with my alcoholic is barely existent as I've now moved to a different state. When I first moved here--we were in a "good" spot and he even visited me. We left on "good" terms--there was spontaneous kissing & promises to visit again. However, the highs were quickly replaced as reality set in that i have moved on to a different state, getting my life to be on the track i want... and he IS still an active alcoholic, stuck in the spiraling down into a self-destructed life.
He pushed me away, in a drunken haze, stating "I have nothing to offer you. You're too good for me. I'm going to become nothing." This mentality changed our "good" and months of passive-aggressively pushing me away followed. Now, it's been about a month and a half since he initiated a call (and i stopped initiating them because i was tired of being made to be the one "desperate" to still be talking to each other).
I hear that he's been racking up even more credit card bills due to drinking; has been HIGHLY recommended to go to a rehab program from his therapist, which he ignored; & has attached himself to two other male drinkers that go out with him every night. I recently found out that he was flirting with other girls during these "nights out", which I guess is "his right" since we aren't even together... but, it still causes me anxiety.
In a way, I don't know why I get so anxious hearing this. It IS very classic alcoholic (delusion, escaping, etc). Also, I shouldn't even care considering if HE knew what I'd been up to (dating-wise), he'd have a lot more to be pissed off about. BUT... it BOTHERS ME... IT BOTHERS ME A LOT that he's out there looking for/at other girls, considering he's pushed me away with the "i can't be in a relationship" & "you're too good for me" ****.
I hate that we didn't really end (last convo) on a bad note, in fact--it was a good & caring conversation... but he just stopped initiating calls and has basically been trying to obliterate the existence of ME in his head. Hearing what he's been up to makes me want to initiate some sort of contact, but I won't. I just want my anxiety to stop... I want to reconcile having to accept that, in his head, I was dispensable (and now, apparently replaceable by the next girl he can find during his drunken haze at a bar)