Well it's official, I really AM an idiot.
I was so excited about a new life until my AH told our 10 year old. Of course our 10 year old had a meltdown. I don't know why he told him, we had agreed to wait until after Christmas before he moved out.
Anyway, this led to me agreeing to give him ONE more chance. We spent a few hours talking about things, he promised...blah blah blah.
So as is tradition in my house, I started to work on the Christmas display outside. This is a huge deal in my neighborhood, we have a competition and I am reigning champ. I wasn't really *into* it this year but the kids insisted (actually my 15 yr old daughter told me if I didn't she was making an appointment at the doctor for me) so I relented and started hanging lights etc. So I get the ladder, the C-9's, the zip ties.....everything. And I'm putting the ladder against the house and am climbing to the roof when I climb halfway up and see my husband through the living room window...sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand.
I don't know why but this enraged me. I mean totally sent me into a rage internally. It was then, on the ladder, that I realized that no matter what I do, no matter how long I try, no matter what he does...things are never going to be any different.
There is something seriously wrong with a woman climbing onto her roof and hanging Christmas lights while her husband enjoys a beer in the warm house while watching ESPN. And now, I don't feel so guilty. I'm sure I will have moments of guilt, but honestly, the view from the window was all I need to remind me.
I can't do it anymore. I just can't. However, I did learn something from my final and desperate attempt at keeping my family together.
Don't tell him he's leaving until you have his bags packed.