Thank you all for replying to my question. I figured me pushing him isn't so good, who likes being backed up into a corner, but with this I think it is a good thing.
I just did a test I found to do with PAWS, and it didn't turn out so good..LATE STAGE..pretty scary, but it didn't really surprise me with what's been going on.
I'm losing control, I want to stop so bad, put a lot of effort into it, but my thinking is getting so irrational, it's bogging me down, nothing worse then your thinking going every which way, being female at my age doesn't help, (wow can't believe I just said that).
I drank again last night, and guess what hubs said he'd help me, he said he wound't drink, but it was me who said nope we'll drink. Can you believe that, sheeeeesh. He's not fully to blame here, we're all responsible for ourselves, but gosh darn it all I can't believe how weak I've gotten, yep the nature of this beast.
I've contacted someone for help. I hope if any of you young ones read this, please heed the warning.
Thanks again everyone, I think I need to stay clear of SR till I can get my act together, if that will ever happen, I just don't know any more. Good old progression, and I've turned into such a procrastinator, I never used to be like that at all, if something needed to be done, it would be done the day before it needed to be......it's sure a different story now.
So sad about all of this, so sick, so SCARED....that last stage thing, was like a huge slap in the face, talk about being in quick sand. And no I'm not feeling sorry for myself, just so lost at the moment, I think I want someone to do this for me, boy do I love to dream eh?
One day.