Congrats on your 1 year anniversary towards freedom! It does take a while to adjust to changes.
I went through a similar situation. I was with/married to my ex that I was with for 13 years. It wasn't a bitter divorce. We truly cared about and loved each other, but gave one another the dignity of moving on. I can still talk to my ex, and do on occasion, and he gets me and understands me to this day. I got over that relationship rather quickly.
I have been with my ABF for over 4 years, going on 5 in April (Bleck!). It has been the most painful, confusing, baffling (there's your word) relationship of my life. It should be the happiest, we have a beautiful 2 year old, both have decent jobs, I am a good person (but have become bitter towards him) and yet alcohol/addictions (he only drinks now, no pills or anything else ...) have just came in and sucked the life out of anything with a pulse. It disgusts me really.
You had the courage to work towards a better life. Changes and acceptance take time. I'm sure living with this disease can/does give a person something akin to ptsd. I feel like that at times too. It is like being bombarded with negative energy 24/7 while in the situation, and when you get away perhaps it's a little like Stockholm Syndrome. Who knows, but you are definitely in a better place now!