Wow thank you Emerald Rose. I regretted posting that because it's embarassing and I was going to try to figure out a way to delete it. But I'm glad I posted it because I don't feel alone now. I always kind of convince myself its normal and not a big deal because I don't do it all of the time, but I guess that's my same excuse with alcohol.
I have wanted to seek help for my anxiety for many years but it is that very anxiety that prevents me from making an appointment. So frustrating. My husband wants me to go too and I say I will but don't follow through. Now I just try to keep it inside. He doesn't know I've been freaking out for 2 days because I know he'd just tell me to see a doctor. So I've been on this site a lot lately and it has helped.
On a brighter note, I decided to go ahead and stop with the drinking.