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Anxiety/ too many showers?

Old 11-29-2011, 12:00 PM
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Anxiety/ too many showers?

I just took my second shower of the day. Yesterday I took four :C (I already feel guilty because it's a waste and yes I know that's not good for the environment). I haven't even gone anywhere so I'm not dirty. I havehad really bad anxiety the past 2 days and for some reason it feels like the only thing that will help me snap out of it is to take a hot shower. I would probably take several a day when I feel like this if it didn't make me feel guilty. It's almost like I get into a panic and absolutely NEED to take a shower, even if it's just real quick. Afterward I usually feel pretty good for a while.
The last time I drank was on Saturday, so that's not long at all for me but I did drink a lot. I am just wondering if feeling like this is in any way connected to it and if anyone else does or has done this. I'm wondering if and when I quit drinking for good I won't get these intense anxious feelings so often.
I'd just like to know if there's anyone else who feels or has felt like this. I don't think I have OCD or anything but I don't know why I feel like I'm not clean when I know that I am.
Dang I sound like a fruit loop, but I love this place for providing the anonymity for me to do that comfortably~
Also I'm considering not waiting until New Years to say good bye to alcohol. Carpe Diem
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:16 PM
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Have you found or devised a program of recovery? It helps!
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:24 PM
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Hi FLM. If you're a fruit loop we all are lol

Don't wait until NYE. Don't drink again ever. You'll be happy you even stopped this month early.

As OP said. Find a recovery program. I'm reading the big book now and will get Recovery by Choice and if neither one of them do it I'll find another resource but lets you and me get a plan.

And take as many darn showers as you want for now if it stops you from drinking. Really.

Commit to never drink again.
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Old 11-29-2011, 12:31 PM
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I use to do that..the shower thing and that was many years ago. For me it was a sign something was wrong. The Need to "Cleanse" or undo. a ritual that would come in spurts. I even had a few days where I thought my hair would grow moss. I didn't get the opportunity to reach out or didnt really know how to back then. I agree. Talking to someone is the first step
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Old 11-29-2011, 01:00 PM
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FML

I have to be honest with you. I don't think you have decided yet whether or not you have a problem. I think you need to be honest with yourself and decide that first before you can go any further. BTW to be honest again, those feelings of anxiety are common as are many others with people trying to get off drugs of any kind, not that it will necessarily happen to you. My source: Me, clean and sober 8 year's. Good Luck
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Old 11-29-2011, 02:01 PM
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Hi FML, looking at life through clear sober glasses reveals some of he dirt that we have created from our past actions & mistakes (with & without alcohol).

You are now in the conscious stage of dealing with you life sober, something you probably haven't done for quite some time.

The best way for you to be truly clean again is to look at that wonderful person in the mirror & forgive yourself for your past mistakes & and start to love yourself again. We have all made many mistakes in the past, its time to let them go.

Start being the person you want to be little by little everyday & you will become who you want to be. Instead of a shower maybe try reading a positive book or meditation. I find I feel good about myself when I do good things for others & think nice thoughts (about myself, others & our world), it really can be that easy sometimes.

You can wash the outside (your body) as much as you want but it is your spirit (inside) that wants to be held & loved. Love & forgive yourself today, love that little child that you once were... your inner child is inside you now & needs to be held/loved again.

We only live in the present moment we can do nothing of your future or past.

We are with you on this journey, take care
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Old 11-29-2011, 03:55 PM
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Well I just took another shower. And also before that I threw up. I am not bulimic but I do binge and purge sometimes when I am anxious. This is something I have done for many many years and have not told anyone except my husband who I finally told last year one night after drinking. Ever since I told him,I've cut down a lot but I still do it.
I don't know what's wrong with me these past couple of days. My anxiety is out of control. This happens sometimes, I'll get in a funk for a few days and I know I've just got to ride it out but it sucks. I know that these episodes will probably still happen after giving up alcohol but hopefully it won't be as bad. I think maybe part of the reason I've been putting off quitting drinking completely is because I'm afraid of being disappointed that it won't help me as much as I want to believe it will. I don't want to have to go through these.. whatever in the hell these are.. for the rest of my life and also never have the option of drinking. I'm also afraid I will disappoint myself by not being able to do it.
I do not have a plan yet.
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Old 11-29-2011, 05:51 PM
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FML...You are lucky you can come here and share...I wish I had known about places like this when I was struggling so god-awefully bad. I felt alone and like I was the only one in the world that had issues with anything and felt trapped in my own skin.
I used to throw up alot, too. I had control over it. It was something I could do and no one made that decision for me. It was sort of OCD because I controlled how and when. Same with drinking.
When I was off the sauce for any short period of time (usually regaining my strength for the next drinkfest) I would almost have panic attacks. One time, during the afternoon I thought I was going to climb out of my skin and drove myself up town to the doctor. I wasn't completely honest with them but did say I had drank some the night before. Drank some...HA! That's an understatement. They gave me Bu-Spar (anxiety meds) to cool my heels and sent me on my way. Well, that worked for a time -it took the edge off my anxiety but the only thing I found to work and eliminate all my anxiety and other feelings of nervousness, etc -was to quit drinking.
If you drink again you're feelings of anxiety will only heighten. Best to come to terms with the problem, take the bull by the horns and just quit now.
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Old 11-29-2011, 07:22 PM
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Wow thank you Emerald Rose. I regretted posting that because it's embarassing and I was going to try to figure out a way to delete it. But I'm glad I posted it because I don't feel alone now. I always kind of convince myself its normal and not a big deal because I don't do it all of the time, but I guess that's my same excuse with alcohol.
I have wanted to seek help for my anxiety for many years but it is that very anxiety that prevents me from making an appointment. So frustrating. My husband wants me to go too and I say I will but don't follow through. Now I just try to keep it inside. He doesn't know I've been freaking out for 2 days because I know he'd just tell me to see a doctor. So I've been on this site a lot lately and it has helped.
On a brighter note, I decided to go ahead and stop with the drinking.
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Old 11-29-2011, 07:35 PM
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I really think that if you stop (drinking) the anxiety or at least the intensity of the anxiety will subside. I don't have any issues with anxiety or nervousness or the creepy crawling feelings I used to get.
The only reason I hate to run to the doctor is because they always 'give you something'. It seems counterproductive to have an addiction problem and they give you pills.
My Dad used to say that diagnosis is 90% of the problem and the 10% is how you handle it. Or something like that.
After reading your post, though, I'm feeling the need to shower. LOL
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Old 11-29-2011, 08:01 PM
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I'm not a big fan of meds either, and that's part of why I haven't gone. I'm nervous it will make me not be myself. Mostly I want to get a physical so I can quit being paranoid that things are wrong with me. At least if I am dying I will know for sure what I'm dying from. That was half joking, but I am quite the hypochondriac.
However, I do want to get on sleep aid. I've had problems sleeping since I was little and Im sick of feeling tired because I toss and turn until I'm left with only a few hours of sleep. I take tylenol PMs or Ibuprophin PMs way too often.
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