Well I just took another shower. And also before that I threw up. I am not bulimic but I do binge and purge sometimes when I am anxious. This is something I have done for many many years and have not told anyone except my husband who I finally told last year one night after drinking. Ever since I told him,I've cut down a lot but I still do it.
I don't know what's wrong with me these past couple of days. My anxiety is out of control. This happens sometimes, I'll get in a funk for a few days and I know I've just got to ride it out but it sucks. I know that these episodes will probably still happen after giving up alcohol but hopefully it won't be as bad. I think maybe part of the reason I've been putting off quitting drinking completely is because I'm afraid of being disappointed that it won't help me as much as I want to believe it will. I don't want to have to go through these.. whatever in the hell these are.. for the rest of my life and also never have the option of drinking. I'm also afraid I will disappoint myself by not being able to do it.
I do not have a plan yet.