Amen! Sing it, sister!!! Heck - I'm going to flat out PRAISE you for putting you and your children first!!!!
No one else knows what it is like to live with that mentality. My ex really IS a sweet man but a total victim who has a major entitlement problem. NO ONE saw it from my side...only from the sweet "aw-shucks" side, the good-old-boy-just-partying-with-his-friends side. And much of that was because I managed to hold the cardboard cutout of Perfect Family up for so long, that they didn't have to. They didn't see the binge drinking, Rx drug using, lying, neglect of family and children, money pilfering, golf/fishing/vehicle addiction. They didn't have to wonder constantly what kind of marital-trust-loophole he had found and was exploiting. THEY don't know. And like Dolly said, THEY didn't have to live with it. Let THEM take him in. THEY will see.
I'll tell you what, though, give it time. Now that the facade is gone, other people will see what you have been dealing with for years. I talked with my best friend the other day, whose husband has been a lifelong friend of my ex, and she said "We are done with the pity-party, Stace. How did you live with this for so long??" And that was my best friend of 15 years who heard my tears, heartache, misery...no one knew until his protective film was lifted.