I don't feel it's good to push your past away. It has to be dealt with at sometime. Your past is a part of you, it can't be denied. Problems develop from trying to sweep things under the carpet. I believe the best solution is to face problems head on and deal with them. Have you ever considered going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting? I'm an alcoholic and not knowledgable on the subject, but feel you could benefit from the meetings. There would be people who understand and could help you sort through your issues. You must deal with your feelings and address your suicidal feelings. There is hope and help out there. Don't give up Sarah, you are the only one who can change your life for the better. Continue to reach out for help and seek recovery. The knowledge you gain will help you to cope with your feelings. Good luck and take care...
Talia