What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
I'm new here, the mother of a 40-year-old recovering drug addict (only child), 4 months clean. Jon's statement has left me close to breathless. As many of us know through experience, he has spoken the truth. Thank you for bones-honesty. I hope you are doing well.
My daughter is working the steps and our lives are calm at last. Four months is not a very long time clean but a day clean is good!
Learning to live clean has been difficult for her. She is a bright, charismatic type everyone loves. Before drugs, she was exceedingly responsible, energetic and nigh on a workaholic. Now, she seems addicted to recovery and drawing unemployment until both state and government funds are exhausted. Granted, she needs time to learn how to live with a clear mind, but I am beginning to wonder when her first step back into some kind of employment and parenting will take place. She attends 2 and 3 meetings per day, every day - and even some night meetings. She has 2 service meetings per week with juvies. She is head-long, immersed! There is no moderation. My question to parents is: what has been your experience?
Is there such a thing as an addiction to the recovery program to the point that recovery is 100% of one's life to the exclusion of everything else?
Need some advice and appreciate this forum.
and
Agatha