You do what you need to do for yourself and don't worry about what she thinks.
You and her are in a room. The walls are alcoholism and you are walking around bumping into each other. You are doing things that result in more bumps but you are still in the room together. There are many doors out of this room and you can walk through them at any time. The important thing to know is that you can only open them for yourself. Right now you are desperatly look for ways to open doors for her. You can't. She has to open hers herself. Your choice is to continue to bump around within the framework of alcholism - or open a door. Al-anon is behind one of the doors.
Originally Posted by
boyersj 
She did say that she feels she is being watched like a hawk and that if she wants to drink she is going to drink.
There ya go. Believe her!
Originally Posted by
boyersj I did say to her last night that if she would have been my other half and listened to me before.
Sometimes I say "If only I were Queen of the World" and wave an imaginary wand, lol.
I had this attitude with my husband for a very long time. I did things for him all the time because I knew best, I did it better, and if he'd just listen to me we'd both have that dream life/family I kept holding in my minds eye. I didn't really say that out right but it was implied. In hindsight that was one of the single most damaging things done to the relationship itself, and to him as a person. I suspect it did nearly as much damage as the alcoholism did. I'm deeply regretful of that attitude and behavior. I now make a deliberate effort to respect people for having the right to make their own decisions and being the person they want to be even if I (and half the country) don't understand it or agree with it.
My job is to shape a life that works for me and either that person is part of it or not, but I don't get to shape that person. There is the big difference.