Well getting yourself healthy doesn't mean "ignoring" the problem, for me it meant figuring out what I can control in the situation and what I can't. Passive ignoring can quickly lead to denial and that is never good.
You are afraid to let her know you are going to AlAnon? Do you see how insidious HER addiction has become!!!! The As really hold all the cards if we let them! It's maddening.
AlAnon helped me see how to take action - how to be in REALITY - whether she wants to hear it or not or agrees with you or not, you KNOW you are living with an alcoholic and it is affecting your life and the lives of the children for whom you now have a care. I mean that is the reality in plain language.
What will you DO? What are your boundaries? What will you tolerate ion this relationship? Are you getting what you need from this relationship and if not what are you going to do about it in light of that fact that her changing is out of your control?
These are big questions, tough questions. I think it is called tough love because it is tough on the giver - it is tough to love someone while maintaining detachment from their problems. It is tough to not bend ourselves to accomodate the addiction. It is tough not to take their choice to keep drinking personally, as a reflection on our worth.
The tough questions for me took time and a clear head to think about.....give yourself the time and whatever support you need (AlAnon, therapy, books?).
Peace-
B