boyer, you might as well go out back and have that discussion with a tree. You can't talk to an active alcoholic. All that matters is the addiction.
I would strongly recommend Al-anon for yourself. I know it has helped me. I am in a much better place than I was now that I no longer focus on my alcoholic wife. It is hard to give up the illusion that you can fix or help her fix her problem. The more you try though the deeper you will get sucked in, at least that is the way it worked for me. Work on yourself and as for her let go or be dragged. Alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages.
I'm not sure what I would recommend with the kids beyond passing them some Alanon or AlaTeen literature.
Your friend,
Your friend,