I understand because my step father (with whom I lived with along with my mother and two half-sisters). I know how this story ends but when I tell her she dismisses it and said the kids and I will be fine no matter what.
As a result, trying to be there for the kids has alienated her and made her feel like I have turned the kids against her. When she told me that last night, I told her it is not me. Those kids have no one else to turn to and its not my actions that have created this. When I told her that this happened to me when I was growing up she said but now you are an adult, act like it.
My response to that was you have told me many times this will stop and it hasn't. I have tried to talk to you about it several times and you won't listen. You have made repeated promises but broke them. I am engaged to an adult and expect to be treated like one. When you say you are going to do something I expect you to commit to doing it.
She thinks I want her out of my life but I am just giving tough love. Its hard to do, but I fully believe if I don't get her to look through clear glass then she will truly lose her children. Its more difficult when her mother enables her and never held her accountable growing up.
For others in similar situation, am I doing it the right way? Should I back off and show her support instead of tough love? I guess I don't want to over do it. She still would rather walk away than to admit to the real issue but I believe I owe it to her and the kids to keep pushing. Her daughter begged me to not give up on her mom even though her mother and her haven't talked since Friday.