thanks tu. Yes, been struggling a few years. Had some time in aa, and was doing ok. But getting a sponser was a mistake for me. am private, reserved, so it did not suit me, and i just told her what i thought she wanted to hear. My default setting. I am tapering off codeine at the moment, should be done by the end of this week. Then i will make a big plan for that too. I dont use anything else, except caffeine! Learning that beastie doesnt just use words, but feelings too, like that niggle of self doubt that i can do this. From reading others posts, it can be very subtle and is good at disguising itself as you.