boyersj

So I had another post where I was going to confront my fiance because of things that have happened and failure to really do anything that demonstrated change. She knows she has done things that are unacceptable and has reduced consumption somewhat, that being said she got intoxicated twice in the last week.

I want to be patient and not overreact but she also doesn't seem to understand that me and her kids are extremely sensitive. She is tired of everyone being unhappy (sent via text) and tired of being reminded. Unfortunately her drinking has my mind consumed but I do want to give her a chance to be a "typical" drinker.

It makes it hard when her mother is her best friend and they drink together. It also makes it hard when she has alienated the kids and I have a stronger relationship with them than she does and now she thinks I am trying to "fix her". I told her she cant do it for me or the kids but for herself. At the same time I know that it takes her hitting rock bottom to realize (if then) how much damage she has done.

Also there are 2 kids who are going through some pretty significant emotional struggle because they have grown tired of the treatment and are now defiant of her unreasonable punishment. Her 14 yr old daughter looked at her angrily when she was drinking and got grounded for a week. She said, I am the parent and I can do whatever I want. Anyhow, I fear that their emotional stability resides in my ability to cope with the unhealthy environment, which is pretty decent until an alcoholic episode that I chose to discuss (I do not call her out on every one).

We love her but it gets hard to love someone who doesn't love themselves enough to stop and look in the mirror. I may have her mis-diagnosed as she is not ready to give it up. In fact she told me that if I am giving her an ultimatim then there are problems... All I asked her to do is what she said she would do. I now realize they don't have that control, and remember I have to live with the consequences - it won't be like I feel good that I am away if we part ways, I will feel the kids and her relationship were badly damaged because they used to just ignore her but now they are also confronting her.

Anyhow anyones perspective will be greatly appreciated.