after having done tons of work, digging really deep on my own issues in double winner style, I have discovered some less than pretty truths about my recalcitrant desire to be with my addict...
when I realllllllly dig deep in inventory the truth is that I was addicted to him. I "used" him. granted I think that as human beings we all "use" and "manipulate" in relationship...it is just to what degree. Healthy boundaries are key. When someone is in the throws of addiction and someone else just "wants to be with them" it is a form of use. That person needs love and support of every kind...of course. But the demands, emotional, mental, physical and spiritual on any human being to be in a reciprocal healthy relationship is a lot to ask...even more so when someone is in early recovery.
I am in recovery. I am practicing spiritual principles of AA and Al Anon and CoDA. Still, when I get really honest...I WANT that man, I WANTED than man. He has to go heal. To expect more from him, to lie in wait, to request and hope and desire... is to want to steal away his spirit from where it belongs in early recovery...with self and god where the real healing needs to take place.