you know cynical, that is probably the best advice i heard so far, I have gotten that advice from other friends and family and she has also said that to me, i understand the need for me to back off, she said that she doesnt want a relationship right now, and she said she is not saying anything about the future either, she's not gonna promise anything, I just didnt think that it warranted to kill our relationship, she just could have said to back off, knowing she was coming back would have been better to handle, than having the unknown, in one of her last phone calls she did ask how i was doing because of the break up, and just asked me to bare with her and to be strong for her, and i understand it cant be on my time frame, and what you said about wanting to run and going thru the emotions after the past going on 3 weeks tuesday makes sense, i have been to meetings, i have learned a few helpful things that made me realize a few places that i was wrong, but i dont know how to tell or show her that i am fixing that, so it can help her later with whatever decision she will make. but yes im backing off.