I join the chorus ...
He can't go to AA because he might hit a deer????
And what exactly are the statistical odds of that??? A million to one? Ten million to one?
His marriage is falling... correction... has failed and he is using the excuse that there is some stupid deer out there with his name on it waiting to jump out in front of him to stop him from going to AA???
And what exactly is the reason he can't go to a meeting in the morning or a noon meeting???
This is the man you want to shackle yourself to for the rest of your life? What if there is some real disaster like an earthquake, hurricane, asteroid strike or worse? It will be up to you to save yourself and him because that deer might be out there just lurking to get him!
Hope that thought makes you see how our own sickness makes us not see the absurdity of our own decision making about our A's!
Those horrible panicky feelings... the despair... heartbreak and tears... they are CHEMICALS! You have brain chemicals and hormones going wacky right now! Do not give in to them and stick to your rational and reasoning brain and eventually those chemicals will calm down and return to normal!
Promise!
Visualize. Visualize. Visualize. Draw pictures. ALL of the bad times. Do a storybook. All the embarrassing moments. The drunken rants. the raves. Draw that DEER! Give it angry eyes with mean look. Give it a bottle of booze in a saddle pack or hanging around its neck!
Do NOT dwell on those few moments of happiness. They are off limits right now!
Go to Alanon.
Draw a target. Put it on the wall. Draw that stupid deer and put in the middle. Throw balled up pieces of paper at it! Remember the craziness and that the best thing you can do for your A is let him go and FIND HIS PATH!
If he recovers the path may lead back to you someday... but honestly most don't WANT to recover! It is not in your hands and that should bring peace not anxiety!
Good luck and prayers your way.