My heart is breaking
Four months ago I asked my husband to move out and get sober. I told him he had to be sober for six months before we could work on our marriage.
I just couldn't take it anymore. He would come home everyday after work and go straight to the freezer to get ice for his whiskey. There was no "how was your day", "glad to see you", etc... Just straight for the whiskey. He would then go and talk on the phone for hours to anybody he could get on the phone or play online poker for hours. Eat about 10 or 11 oclock and then go to bed. If there was a day he wasn't drinking he was smoking weed and getting as high as he possible could.
When chores needing doing he would grump and complain about it like it was the worst thing ever. I got him to go for a walk once or twice in the past two years, but he grumped and complained about that so much I quit asking.
On the weekends he would drag me halfway around the state so we could go bbq-ing with friends and family, but it was always a drunkfest for him. If we did stay home then we had to invite people over and have bbq/football drunk-fest at my house. (yay me!)
Or if on the rare occasion we didn't go anywhere or had anyone over he would stay up until five or six oclock in the morning drinking and smoking weed until he was in a stupor. He was doing all this before we got married but after the wedding it got WAY worse then I could have imagined.
Sometimes we went out with friends for social events and I had to endure his embarrassing drunken behavior. Sometimes I was just so mortified! I remember we went to a fairly classy event where only beer and wine were served and I couldn't figure out how he was so sloppy drunk so fast...... mystery solved! He had brought his flask filled with whiskey. He ended up passing out on the table that night. (such fun for me!)
He wasn't violent, but was becoming verbally abusive and very short tempered.
When we seperated he accused me of having a boyfriend (of course). He still to this day thinks I cheated or am still cheating on him.
I started going to Al-anon after the seperation and he went to AA after he realized that I was serious. Al-anon helped a lot: I learned about the three C's, and how to focus on my self. He quit going to AA after a month because it was a long/dark drive (he's night blind) and now that it is deer season he's afraid a deer will jump in front of him and he'll wreck his car.
From that point on he would rarely take my phone calls on night or weekends. I suspected he was drinking again, which he denied.
His boss recently laid off half the company and cut his hours to three days a week. So he started looking for a new job. Well, Wednesday he told me he had a new job four hours away from here and that we would be better off apart, so we should get a divorce.
MY HEART IS BREAKING. I have barely eaten the past three days and all I can do is cry.
I feel like I am being abandoned and he just points out that I was the one who asked him to leave. And he is the one that has had to live in a motel these past four months.
I knew that it was a possibility that divorce would happen but I really don't think I can live with this..... and I can't live with him without knowing he has a good program and six months sobriety from all alcohol and drugs.
But I still want to go running after him crying "please love me! I'll do anything, but don't leave me!"
He has rented an apartment down there and is coming to get his stuff tomorrow.
I don't know if I can keep from falling on the floor and sobbing when he goes to leave....
OH GOD IT HURTS SO BAD!!! PLEASE DON'T LET HIM LEAVE ME!