I'm super stressed at work and super stressed at home. DD's been diagnosed as bipolar so now I've got two of them and they've been on an epic tear of bitchyness and selfishness. It's almost like they are syncing up just like their monthly cycles have. If/when the cycles and their manic episodes sync up as well I'll probably end up dead (from stress).
I'm the luckiest man alive.
But, what this is really about is that I've been so resentful that I've been acting out against them with words, and also avoiding home. It culminated yesterday with me pointing the remote at wife and clicking the mute button repeatedly. Let's just say I'm not being super successful detaching and letting go.
She was not amused. At all. She hasn't spoken to me in over 24 hours and won't sleep in the bed. I knew it would hurt her a great deal and did it on purpose-- **** like that is one of her buttons and I indulged the infantile jackass in me selfishly. I can't believe I did it and I am ashamed of myself.
Apologies don't make **** like this go away. Looks like it's time for me to get a new sponsor and start working the steps again. I can't control my behavior anymore when enough of my buttons get pushed.
Damn it. I can see the accountability from here and I don't like it.
Take care all,
Cyranoak