You guys are amazing. Really. This is my first time discussing this in depth outside of my family, and now I see that I should have done it a long time ago. It feels so good to hear someone tell me these things.
I have wanted to nix the contact with the rest of the family and only see the twins, but I don't think it would be possible. When they were two and I was living there, things were bad and one day I brought my problems to work with me. After crying to my boss who is a very sweet nursery school teacher who wanted to help, she told me I had to call DSS and handed me the phone right there. I thought I'd be anonymous, but long story short, my mom found out it was me, she and my older brother took over the whole visit from DSS (ever heard of covert incest?) and lied about everything together, and I was too scared to respond to all the detective's phone calls and letters that followed. My mom will never let me be alone with the twins if I drop contact with everyone else. Every time I even mention their well-being, she goes ballistic and thinks I'm conspiring against her again.
Didn't mean to have to add such a twist. I understand the consequences of no contact and I'm willing to make the sacrifice. Just hoping the twins will be able to come to me on their own when they get older.
Thank you everyone, for sharing such wisdom. Theuncertainty, it is true. I will try to keep in mind that I do not need to justify my boundaries. Trying has done no good anyway. And Wicked, I LOVE the Charlie Brown and Lucy analogy :-) Brilliant and so accurate. I will always remember it.
Learn2live, I've considered Al-Anon and I KNOW it would help me.... I guess I just feel too busy for it, which probably sounds dumb, but I don't have a babysitter (we just moved from SC to CT a couple months ago) and I'd feel kinda bad leaving the babies with my husband when he gets home from work so I can go to meetings. Do people ever bring babies?