I'm not an expert on recovery and I'm pretty new to AA. I can totally relate to how hard it is to let go of the past. No matter how hard I try...my mind wanders back to dwelling on the embarrassing mistakes I made. I try to live in the moment and it's very hard to do, but we can't change the parts of our lives that were destroyed by alcohol. I feel like I wasted almost an entire decade of my life in a depressing drunken stupor and I regret it everyday. Yet I've relapsed at least 3 times knowing each time it would bring me back to the hell of physical addiction to booze. I guess I'm just trying to say that you're not alone in having a hard time letting go of the "what could have beens" in your life. I hope that one day you can let go and find peace. I'm working on it too.