I have kept on looking at this thread, and Fedup's response to it,mine much the same,I was 40 years old when I met AH(now XAH),but from very beginning knew something was wrong, but never knew how to articulate it, it came down to one simple fact for me, 'he scared me silly',intimidating threats,and much more,and not only from him , but also his family member's too.
I started to go to Al-anon and started to get my self esteem back,I dont think they saved my life,I knew they did.
I am so grateful today I have peace and serenity,well most days,except for the occassional blip I had a few weeks ago,finding SR forum helped me get calm again and stay strong.
Thank you for letting me share