Hi everyone,
I am very happy to report that I have finally, at last, completed my step 4!!!! Yippee, hoorah and thank f*** for that. I realised today when I sat down to do it that I was probably putting off finishing cos of the one person in my sex inventory - my recent ex. As it turned out that part wasnt too hard to do but then when I was writing down what I would want in my "ideal partner", after laughing to myself at my expectations and demands, I found myself thinking "do I really deserve someone like that". It made me feel a little sad. Then I realised I really just wanted someone to be quite like me and how I would be to them. The whole step 4 process has been very interesting, enlightening and therapeutic. Now all I have to share it all with my sponsor and we just have to agree a time when we both are free for long enough.
Unlike this time last year I am not really thinking about Christmas much yet. Last year all I could think about was how I could possibly get through it without a drink. Im aware I will always have to be on guard and that demon may creep up on me unexpectedly but it doesnt worry me like it did before. That makes me feel pretty confident however I try to remind myself whenever I think ahead that all I can do is get through this day.
The builders have finished although they didnt clear up properly - there is blobs of plaster over the built in wardrobes and window ledges - I can only presume he didnt notice it as he was only papering the walls and painting them and the ceiling. The company have been in touch to ask if I am happy and I have told them about the mess and now waiting to see if they will send someone to sort it out - I hope they dont send the same guy it will be uncomfortable but im not going to pretend everything is fine when it isnt. I find it hard dealing with things like that the guy was really nice but I was disappointed to come home from work and find it not properly finished and its time I grew up and dealt with things like a proper adult. Im still learning. All this is alien to me.
All in all everything is good - its great at least having some space back downstairs now the girls can go back in their room even if its not completely finished yet.
Through all the frustration these past weeks I have not once thought to drink because of it -that is a major accomplishment - I hope it continues.
Im glad the knees are improving Stream and Tuesday. Instant - when exactly is your big 6 month date - it must be soon? Im so happy for you - and for all of us following along in the same upward direction.
Paddy are you looking for a sponsor now? Its important I think to find the right person but if you feel you need to start working the steps sooner to keep you on track you can get a temporary one to start you off. I put alot of my success down to my sponser, she has become a great friend and I see her as my angel. However I think I will do the steps more than once - just to get difference angles on them - I am trying my hardest to do them as thouroughly (SP?) and honestly as possible but I believe I will benefit from different approaches and advice in the sober years I have ahead of me.
Huh - there I was talking about keeping it in the day and then Im talking about doing the steps again when I havent even done them once. Haha.
Are you still getting to meetings Chimp?
Loved those pics TP - I must try and remember to show them to my brother tomorrow - he loves ducks.
Hope you're all having a happy weekend.