Do you ever consider what goes on with your body and mind when you make the decision to throw in the towel? You're trying to convince yourself that the one thing you've found that provides instant release and relief can no longer be a part of your life. Face it, in normal day to day life there is little that comes close to the instant gratification that drugs and alcohol provide. That being the case, is it any wonder why the first year or two can be an epic battle to slay those demons?
It's interesting that some claim to have a "spiritual awakening" of sorts and things just fall into place and everything is peaches and cream. I kind of wonder though if that's the exception and not the rule, my first few years without the alcohol or drugs were anything but peaches and cream. I actually had to relearn how to once again find joy in the simple things in life.
I guess what I'm getting at is that it may not be easy but it is possible to reclaim the inner peace and happiness that are an inherent part of all of us. Just don't get discouraged if you find it to be an uphill battle because for many of us that's exactly what it is. Stay strong NC!