Programmer - I was at an AA meeting yesterday and the subject of finding a higher power came up. I too struggle with this issue, but a guy (who has been sober for years) there said something I found really interesting. He said he doesn't believe in God in the traditional sense, but claims AA as his higher power and that has made all the difference. That statement gave me alot to think about and I hope it makes you think too and maybe provides you with some comfort. Good luck!