I see what you mean. You want to quit when you feel bad, then you want to drink as soon as you feel better. You join AA then don't do the steps, and obviously don't have a sponsor. Now you are wanting to lay the responsibility off on others to "watch" you.
Now you are feeling I am about to get really preachy and judgmental right? Well you'd be wrong. At least for now you are getting better very quickly. We were all at the stage you are at now. On another thread the question was asked do we or have we ever drank in the morning.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...g-morning.html
You aren't drinking in the morning or at work according to what I can read. I also didn't drink at work, but sure had some in my morning coffees, for a few years before I retired again to drink fulltime morning noon and night at the end.
I decided to quit every morning for two years and made it with no scotch in my first coffee, and felt so good about my success decided I could have some in my next one and only that one and ease off with moderation. Having made that decision I felt so good I would decide to drink to day and make it skip scotch in two coffees the next morning.
See my tolerance was so high I had to drink to stand up and not fall down from shaking and dizziness. I was barely getting that nice buzz.
Did I ever depend on others to watch me? You bet! Nothing was working, I was gonna die, and I was so desperate I talked to my doc, arranged for in hospital detox because I was drinking at least 30 units of alcohol a day. I doubt I would have been able to withdraw successfully alive.
I declined rehab after detox after two days and then joined AA and here, and let all my friends and my family know I was going to be alright.
You see I HAD hit my bottom. Despite thinking I could go no lower many times before. I even knew I was going to die and that wasn't enough.
It was not until I decided that I would do whatever it took, add counseling AA SR family and friends, that I even had a chance. And I swore that once I detoxed, and it was out of my body, I would never drink again. Not even if I found a higher power saying that I was now granted the miracle of drinking normally. I would say thanks, but I already know what it feels like, and remember the million or so drinks I had, as well as the cigarettes I smoked, and I would prefer to stay a non drinker, and non smoker.
Don't worry you will hit the bottom that motivates you to actually do whatever it takes differently. Some day. NO amount of scare or preaching or knowing helped me. I couldn't get past a day, and would have given anything to get back the stage you are now. But unless i knew what I knew then, it would have just progressed again anyway.
Are you willing to do whatever it takes? What are you planning to do differently this time?
(BTW I am not even going into my degrees and certificates both in and out of IT, and my counseling experience. None of it applies when the smart person needs help. I now think of my drinking like thumb sucking or having a binky I could not put down. Seemed impossible at the time but I had to go through giving it up.)