TP I should have added that over the last few years my alcohol use had eroded my capacity to set and achieve many goals, not just those in relation to moderating my use. I had a sense of impending doom that I was approaching the brink of an acceleration in problems and complications. Given that alcohol was my main 'go to' coping mechanism even I knew this spelt trouble.
I had gone from being in a situation where I had been proud of a lot of my achievements over the years, to a place where getting through the day without my bluff being blown was a win. At some level I kidded myself I was "high functioning".
Given that alcohol is an addictive substance- I now see the whole thing can become a trap that can be very difficult to extradite oneself from. The saying about "the man takes a drink and then the drink takes the man" is actually very frightening when you have an awareness it is happening to you.