thats just it. i am unwilling just yet to cut the connection. close, but not there yet. every morning just hurts. it hurts knowing she is in active addiction and it hurts not knowing what she is thinking. just as i awful-ized the bad that could be happening, i do the opposite too. in my head shes getting better and will have a great relationship with the guy she is staying with. even though i know that most likely isnt the case. i guess i feel left out, i feel abandoned. i feel if she cared and loved me, she would be showing it. then i question is it the drugs, is it addiction that is doing this. at least when i have these thoughts i now try to focus back on me.
i am going to meetings for me. but there is a thought that i do all of this because of hte situation i got myself in with her and i think about her but she prbably doesnt give a thought to me.
and hardest thing for me to accept is that she used me all along, i refuse to accept that. it kills me to think it.