I've actually been looking into some symptoms that are said to be caused by Endorphin deciciancy syndrome. And a lot of the symptoms listed are identical to how I used to be like throughout my time growing up(before trying Opiates). I had a lot of these symptoms before even using drugs, so maybe some of it could have been related to genetics.
I was always extremely sensitive to things. The only way I felt safe was if I was at home, sheltered, and away from the outside world. I would take everybody and everything very seriously. I was the most shy person around and I had very low self-esteem. Going along with the sensitivity, I was also very sensitive to people and didn't like to hurt them or see them in pain. I didn't like to be in pain myself, so why would I want to hurt someone else? I always took peoples insults very seriously. If people made fun of me, I took it to heart. This in return, made me a very nice person(which I still am to this day). I've always noticed others didn't take those kinda things so seriously. They didn't seem so seirous about certain things like I was. In fact, a lot of them wouldn't even get made fun of as much as me because the person making the fun would know that that person wouldn't care if they were to get bugged. Others seemed to be able to be themselves in front of anyone, but I couldn't be myself in front of anybody(unless they were my close family that I was around my whole life). I wasn't outgoing. I even used to like hanging out by myself better because I figured if I was alone I wouldn't get hurt, this is how serious I took everything.
I used lots of other drugs before trying Opiates, but none of them I really liked. I was very sensitive to Marijuanas effects, and I would get overly anxious and worried. But when I tried Opiates, it was different. I remember thinking to myself, "this is how things are supposed to be".
When I tried Opiates for that first time my world changed. For once I felt "normal". I wasn't afraid of things anymore and I could be the person that I always wanted to be in front of anyone.
I'm sure some people could relate to this. And maybe the term "endorphin deficiancy syndrome' has some truth to it afterall.
I really don't know if I should fully believe it yet. I mean right now on the Methadone, I feel the most "normal" that I have in a very long time.
I don't know if I will be that same person that I was before trying the Opiates, when I stop the Methadone. And I am not even completely sure if coming off of the Methadone would make me better off.
I want to leave the Methadone behind me some day once my life feels good and ready to do so and is repaired. But at the same time, I don't want to feel like I'm out of place again. I don't want to be tempted to use the Opiates that got me here in the first place when that time comes.
I do know that a life on Methadone is far better than a life on short-acting illegal Opiates.
And like I said, I guess time can only tell what will come.